My Endless Love

22 Years

It’s really difficult to explain what this club means to me, but the opening lyrics of Jim Legxacy’s “idk idk” have been stuck in my head over the last few weeks, and it feels kind of perfect.

“ooh, darling, please don’t give up on me…’cause I don’t give up on you.”

I’ve been supporting Arsenal for as long as I can remember. It’s all I’ve ever known, really. I’m writing this from the back of a car, driving from Budapest to Vienna to catch a flight back home after a Champions League Final that we’ve just lost, in what should be the worst possible way - on penalties. But I feel fine. I was in Paris 20 years ago, having snuck out of school for my “grandfather’s birthday”…which happened to coincide with the Champions League Final. That was bad. Granted I was much younger, but I cried myself to sleep that night. This was different. Coming off winning the league for the first time since 2004, no feeling of sadness could linger long enough to provoke a tear.

I don’t know when it stopped being about football.

Seeing the outpouring of emotion that Tuesday from fans all over the world, bonded by a borderline messianic coach and the club’s current tireless group of players, but beyond that, by a 22-year long journey back to the top of the pyramid. I’m sure some of that cathartic release was about this gruelling season, but for many, I don’t think it has anything to do with the game itself at all. 22 years is a long time. Enough time for new friends, lost loves, old jobs, fresh starts. It’s the memories of where you were then, where you’ve been since, and where you are now. Or who you are now, perhaps.

Sometimes I miss the days when there wasn’t much more to life than just supporting this club. I miss the away days to Manchester in the middle of the week. I miss my uncles who aren’t here to see this, who loved this club so dearly. I miss the friends I would never miss a game with, and even though they’re still here, they’re not here anymore.

Driving back from Budapest right now, I miss the kid who was crying in Paris in ‘06. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you it would be another 20 odd years before we got back here, but man, you should see everything else that happened in that time.

I guess ultimately, this is what football fandom is. A deeply spiritual, collective experience, punctuated by games every now and then.

Thank you Arsene for introducing us to what was possible. Thank you Mikel for reminding us of where we are meant to be.

ooh, Arsenal, my endless love…after all this time…it’s still just you and I.